If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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