Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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