Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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