I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
