i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
