My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
