can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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