He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
