I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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