on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
