yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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