i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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