I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
