State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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