I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Holy sore nipples Batman
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
