It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
