summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
