Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
