the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
