My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
