I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
