there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
