Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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