Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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