just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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