this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
