He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
