Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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