I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
