Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
