That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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