It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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