i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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