I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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