So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
