So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
