I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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