just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
