we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
