At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
