How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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