If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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