I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
