I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
