someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
