pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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