I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
