none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
