New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
