I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
