I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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