If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
a search helicopter?!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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