I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
