The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
