great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
this is an emotional support booty call
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
