so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
