so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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